


Fighting Over Remote Controls May Result in Erotic Situations

by yorozuyas



Series: 100 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate [4]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Attempt at Humor, Cute, Domestic Fluff, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Enemies to Friends, Humor, M/M, Marvel References, Mild Language, Minor Violence, One Shot, Sexual Humor, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-14 05:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16034291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yorozuyas/pseuds/yorozuyas
Summary: “Jesus fucking Christ, are you really watching that stupid fucking documentary again?” Gintoki clucks his tongue in annoyance. “This is literally the third fucking time this week that you’re watching that shit.”





	Fighting Over Remote Controls May Result in Erotic Situations

“Jesus fucking Christ, are you _really_ watching that stupid fucking documentary again?” Gintoki clucks his tongue in annoyance. “This is literally the third fucking time this week that you’re watching that shit.”

“Shut the fuck up, jackass,” Hijikata says, making a gesture to shoo Gintoki away. He lights up a cigarette and puts it to his mouth. “I need to watch this for my project. Unlike you, I actually _care_ about my grades. So move over, dumbass, I need to watch this.”

Gintoki groans and pinches the space between his eyebrows. His growing frustration on Hijikata is obviously becoming a large issue (for him, at least), as Gintoki has barely had any TV time since the week started. His fucking roommate had been watching a documentary about God-fucking-knows-what, something about slugs mating. And honestly, it’s pretty nauseating how they show this on TV for everyone to see.

“Okay, _okay_ , that is _seriously_ revolting,” he gags, leaning over to snatch the remote from Hijikata, who swats him away. “I can’t take another second watching slugs fuck each other while the narrator is just monotonously commentating shit in the background with that awful and annoying British accent. God, what if _children_ watch this? Whoever decided to air that monstrosity on TV, they owe parents an apology for scarring innocent children who stumble upon their show.”

“You’re so overdramatic,” Hijikata rolls his eyes. “If you just sit down and watch, you’ll realize it’s actually pretty informativ-“

“Nope,” Gintoki cuts him off. “I don’t want to hear about how slug babies are made.” He makes a disgusted face. “Great, now my appetite is gone.”

“Go away if you don’t wanna see it then,” the other boy replies, “Nobody’s forcin’ ya to watch it.”

“But _you_ are!” Gintoki retorts, “When will I ever get a chance to watch TV in this goddamn place!”

“Not my problem,” Hijikata mumbles, increasing the volume on the TV in a totally non-passive aggressive way.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now,” he growls in anger. “I’ll make it _your_ goddamn problem, then.” With that, he dives head first onto the couch, grabbing the remote control from Hijikata’s grasp in the process. With a triumphant look on his face, Gintoki throws his fist in the air, as if the remote in his hand is a trophy.

“It’s mine now,” he smirks at Hijikata, who’s clearly mad that Gintoki not only disrupted him, but is also likely the reason why he’d fail his project. As he sits on the couch, fuming over the other boy, Gintoki flips to another channel and picks his nose.

“Give. It. Back. To. Me.” Hijikata says through gritted teeth. He enunciates every word, growing more and more irritated each time.

“Nuh uh,” Gintoki flicks a booger towards his direction, “You gotta take it from me first.” He glances back at Hijikata with the most devilish expression he’d ever seen. What happens next literally makes red flash in his eyes - God, _why_ did this silver-haired motherfucker have to be _so_ complicated? Gintoki pulls back the bands of his shorts and underwear and - yes, he _actually_ shoves the remote down there. He knows just how to piss Hijikata off, and he knows the other boy is just provoking him, but he isn’t going to let Gintoki beat him in his game.

“I fuckin’ will,” Hijikata lunges towards Gintoki with an animalistic roar, earning a small yelp from the other boy. Gintoki’s too fast though; he’s already off the couch and on the opposite side of the room, so Hijikata ends up bumping his nose on the armrest. He rubs it and shoots Gintoki a glare.

“Hehe,” Gintoki smirks, dangling the remote in the air to taunt him. “Come and get it.” He puts it back in his disgusting underwear and sticks his tongue out towards Hijikata.

For some goddamn reason - he didn’t know how - Hijikata suddenly gets leg power and manages to jump three feet from the couch, landing just right in front of Gintoki, who’s still haughtily picking his nose. Then things get messy. Gintoki’s on the floor, Hijikata on top of him, pulling his hair.

“Oi, oi, you’re pullin’ too hard!” Gintoki attempts to push him away but to no avail. “I’m already balding, stop, stop, hit me anywhere else just don’t pull out my hair!”

But Hijikata isn’t listening. He pulls harder, which makes Gintoki squeak. Gintoki, not having any of his shit anymore, grabs onto Hijikata’s collar and practically throws him over his shoulder with a loud thud.

“Ow!” Hijikata groans, kneading the back of his head, struggling to sit up. “That fuckin’ hurt, ya asshole!”

 _“Oh yeah?_ Try getting a handful of your hair pulled out and see how you like it!” Gintoki shouts back.

Hijikata lets out a beastly growl and charges towards Gintoki again, who simply just sidestepped. He _would’ve_ successfully dodged Hijikata, if the other boy hadn’t stuck his elbow out, which struck Gintoki’s stomach and he falls to the floor with an _oomph_. After that, things get real physical. Punches and kicks are thrown, with either boy eluding each strike. Really, they’re just fighting with the air because Hijikata and Gintoki are both doing a marvelous job evading each other’s hits.

Hijikata goes for an uppercut, while Gintoki aims for a hook. Their fists end up colliding, but that doesn’t stop them either. Gintoki attempts to knee Hijikata, who grabs onto Gintoki’s leg and flings him across the floor.

“Oi, oi, you ain’t playing fair anymore!” Gintoki moans, seeing stars in his eyes. “I can’t do this. Feels like someone cracked my head open.”

Hijikata stops in his track, and smiles victoriously. “Where’s that damned remote?” He puts his hand out.

Gintoki stands up and practically wobbles towards Hijikata. He pulls out the remote control from his underwear. He dangles the remote in the air, but he doesn’t give it to him.

“Sike,” he smirks and punches Hijikata straight in the face.

What happened, however, is something neither boy could have ever predicted. Before Hijikata’s ass hit the floor, a very loud, very erotic moan escaped his lips, which immediately leads to him burying his face on the floor and hiding his reddened face from Gintoki.

“Oh my fucking god,” Hijikata says with a muffled voice. “I want to fucking die.”

Gintoki’s silent, he’s just staring at him in bewilderment. God. Hijikata wanted to disintegrate into ashes before him. He could feel Gintoki’s sharp eyes burning a hole through his back, which makes him even more embarrassed because it feels like he’s checking out his ass. “Fuck,” he whispers, voice barely audible.

More silence ensues; the only sound audible in the room is the clock’s ticking, which does nothing but irritate Hijikata even more.

 _Please just say something_ , he quietly begs. _I’m really going to die of embarrassment._

Hijikata wanted nothing but to just turn into dust right there. Why couldn’t he have been Thanos-ed when that big dumb purple fuck decided to kill half of the world's population? The dude killed his own daughter for fuck's sake! If he'd been a part of those half (not to mention if it was actually _real_ ), he wouldn’t have to deal with this humiliation. He’d just be dust, absolutely nothing, just like the other Avengers. 

As soon as Gintoki opens his mouth, he knew he’d absolutely hate what would come out: “Oogushi-kun, if you’d told me that you were into that type of kinky shit, I would’ve gladly punched you in the face everyday just to hear you make that sound.”

Gintoki says this with the cutest expression, which not only makes Hijikata’s already red face redder, but also makes his chest heat up, and flares up with much confusing feelings that it left him dumbfounded.

Hijikata turns away, flustered, his ears red. “Shut up,” he mumbles and shoots Gintoki a glare, who simply smiles at him. In normal occasions, he’d punch him for saying that, but for some reason, the thought of Gintoki being intimate - not explicitly sexual - with him, makes his heart flutter.

It’s quiet for awhile, until Gintoki breaks the ice. “Come on,” he holds out his arm for Hijikata to take. It’s weird, it’s almost like there’s an unspoken agreement between them to never talk about this...incident again; Hijikata didn’t even need to threaten him to stay quiet about it.

“Why?” He wonders out loud, taking Gintoki’s hand who gently pulls him up. As he asks this question, Gintoki pulls him closer and leans in to whisper something in his ear.

“So I can use it on you later on.”

At that, Hijikata knees him in the groin, which left Gintoki rolling on the floor in pain. Satisfied, he cusses him out, to which the other boy replies with, "I heard that!"

Without even turning to see whether or not Gintoki can see him, Hijikata musters up all his pride to throw him the middle finger and with that, he leaves.

**Author's Note:**

> UHHHHHHHHHH wasn't quite sure how to end this one so sorry 4 the shitty ending. whEW ive been on a writing spree lately but honestly idk when i'll run out of gas soooo better feed y'all while i still can. was debating on whether or not i should post this since it's Really not that Much ..... i wanted this 2 be a drabble but i still ended up with more than 1k words so yUP HOPE YALL ENJOYED THE MARVEL REFERENCE BTW IVE BEEN WAITING TO USE THAT ONE LOLOLOL anYWAYSSSSSSS hope yall enjoyed n thank u for reading


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